So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
