Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
