Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
