Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
