You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
