You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
