I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
