BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
