She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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