The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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