And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
