the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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