I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
