Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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