She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
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