im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
