theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
