dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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