You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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