I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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