I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize