A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
