you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize