That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
