Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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