My first STD was from a foam party
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
