Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
