So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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