She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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