everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
