i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
