I'm going to jail i love you
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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