This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
