All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
