census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i will never coherently bang her
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
