I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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