You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize