"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize