It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
