He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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