I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
