I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
