Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
