The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
