This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
