He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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