I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dignity is for republicans.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
