I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
