Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize