if i died would you start the facebook group?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
