saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
