Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
