i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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