I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
please don't ironically join a cult
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
