I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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