did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
