Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
