Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
