Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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