it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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