I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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