your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
