Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
