Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
