i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she looked like the before picture.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
