There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
