I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
