how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You were trust falling into bushes
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
