Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
