If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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