dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
