they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
