You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
