He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
